grill with food 2

American Hearts

Dear Velvet,

My mother-in-law wants to host a July 4th barbecue, but my husband doesn’t want to go.  Basically, he wants us to start our own traditions.  I’m caught in the middle.  I don’t want to disappoint the in-laws, but if my husband would rather stay home and do our own thing, then I think that’s what we should do.  What do you think?

American Hearts

Dear American Hearts,

This is the epitome of a familial windfall.  It’s a perfect opportunity to insult your mother-in-law while placing the blame on your husband.  You know, the son she raised as a paragon of mankind.  The man in the mirror who can’t seem to grasp why he can’t use your Venus razors.   The son who learned, after year of cohabitation, that the toilet seat always needs to be put back down.  No exceptions, even if the dog wants easy access to his water bowl.

Besides, it’s good for you to take your husband’s side when you’re talking to your mother-in-law.  It shows a unified front.  It sends the message that you two indeed will be staying married.  Really, she can stop mentioning his high school sweetheart “in case things don’t work out.”

But I think we’re missing the point here.  What kind of traditions will you set up for your epic July 4th party?  If I get a vote, (and let’s face it if you read my column then I get as valid a vote as any chad ballot,) it’s not a star spangled celebration without hot wings and sparklers.  Every year, every time.  So pop the top off some cold ones, and prepare to celebrate the best kind of party.  By yourselves, for yourselves.

But if you really want to stick it to your mother in law, you can invite her over to celebrate your new family traditions.  Because a good, strong marriage is a daughter-in-law’s best revenge.


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